March 4th, day 9 of this shit.

I’m on edge. I restlessly check my phone. Fuck, so agitating..

I go to the bathroom with my phone, I go to sleep with my phone, I wake up at night and check my phone. When I hear an air raid siren, the first thing I think about  is my phone.

My brain looks for the euphoric feelings it used to get from the newsfeed every time I read about how strong we are, how successful we are in getting rid of the occupants, how many of them died, how the Russian economy is crumbling. Yummy!..

Well, the euphoria is not there any more.  But you know what is there? Endless horror, despair, brutally killed civilians.  And my tired and vulnerable brain is still trying to get some information “dope” from my newsfeed.

You know, I don’t really care about Russian invaders and war-lovers, I just want them to be out of here. The rate of them and their economy dying is not fast enough to make me feel happy, you know.

I don’t care.
Want them out.
That’s all.

My morning started with the news that Russians are shooting the huge nuclear plant, and it is on fire 150 km away from the place where my  parents are.

So I scrolled and I read and I read and I read and I watched and I read and I read and people were killed and and I read and I scrolled and women were raped and I read and I read and here are some photos of dead people and I read and I felt so deep deep down. And then finally I smelled them.

I smelled how my digital armpits stink.

Before this I treated my information hygiene extremely seriously: no news with potentially manipulative titles or content,  always checking the sources, unsubscribing from anything a tiny bit unreliable, well, you know how it works.

But in this fear and euphoria race through the social media I completely forgot about my shower.  I consumed so much unreliable and mostly shocking content,  that my brain  just stopped expressing any feelings or emotions.  It needs a good old bath with a sponge and soap. I need it.

First I unsubscribed from Medusa’s TG channel. They seem liberal for a Russian media, but I don’t really care, I’m not going to spend my resources on their shit.

I’m trying to limit my FB consumption to 2-3 pages of some official institutions.

Instead of restlessly checking the feed, today with my boyfriend we were building wooden frames for people who make camouflage masking nets in a university library nearby.

It felt good.
And real.

So now I’m washing my information armpits and recommend checking on yours. Sometimes it is hard to notice the smell when it comes from you.

Write to you later, I need to go to the real shower.